Did I Mention

I'm stick...my nose is tuffy and my chest hurts. Coughing just means more money for the makers of Depends. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


But you shouldn't have to suffer with me so I thought I would post some recent funnies a friend sent. Enjoy!



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...

**************

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest
woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

***************

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*****************

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a
good
idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

********************

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

******************
A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

************************

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"