The Next Stage

I have been fighting this and fighting this but I think I am at the depression stage of this separation. I kept telling myself I was just tired. In all honestly all I get done is going to work and coming home. My house is not clean. It looks like someone else’s house. I usually keep it so clean. I have fed my girls more fast food then I ever thought possible. So much so they are asking me to cook.

I come home from work and all I can think about is going to bed. I am so tired. No not tired exhausted, like I haven’t slept in weeks and I sleep anytime I can. And nothing really phases me. Things break I think well shit…oh well. Then of course after a few hours call some one to fix it.

The air is getting fixed on Tuesday morning, it was suppose to be done today but they sent the wrong part. The air guy was so nice and I understand it isn’t his fault …through the whole thing all I could think about was taking a nap.

I even forgot to pay the bills. If you know me you would know this is not like me. I always pay on time. I tired for several days to sit down and do it and I just couldn’t get my mind to focus on it.

I am finally getting up on the laundry and I have start pushing the girls to clean their rooms. I guess slowly I will become me again. I want to cry all the time. I feel like if I start to cry I would feel better….then I think good god if I started I may never stop. So I don’t cry.

I know I need to get myself together. I’m working on it. Honestly I am, I’m just a little slow on the uptake. If you have sent me an email or message and I haven't responded I am sorry and I will talk to you as soon as I get myself back on track. Really!