Out Of Sorts

I feel a bit out of sorts these days. My mind races 100mph all the time it seems. I have been extremely busy at school getting ready and all. But again at home I am just out of it.

I believe in all honesty it has to do with Rob not being here. I came through the door the other day and just had this overwhelming feeling that he needed to be here, home with us. I miss him. I miss having him here to just talk to.

Rob is not a great communicator on the phone. He facial and body expression tell you so much more about what he is thinking then his words. So I can’t read what is going on with him. I know he misses us and he hates being there. All we seem to talk about is his coming home. Which of course makes it harder when we hang up and he is not here.

It is kind of ironic in a way. The girls are in all honesty adjusted. I have been sleeping alone for the past week and a half. They are back to themselves. They talk more about when daddy comes home then how long he will be gone. I am so glad they are at this stage.

The ironic part is that Rob and I now seem so unadjusted. Does that make sense? He calls and says nothing. I can feel he is lonely and I tell him how much we love him…but I know it isn’t enough. I just want to reach through the phone and touch him, smell him, be near him.

Almost daily I read how much closer some are to having their spouse back, or see the pictures of others who’s loved one is now finally home. It’s a bitch let me tell you. On one hand I am so happy for them, they are once again a family and their loved one is safe. On the other I am so envious that it isn’t us being reunited.

I seem to be in this rut of constantly thinking about the things Rob will be missing.

• The girls first day of school.
  
• Our 17th and 18th Wedding Anniversary's
  
• His birthday
  
• All holidays
  
• Lindsey’s Trip to Williamsburg. It was his year to go with her.
  
• All of our birthdays
  
• Lindsey’s graduation from Elementary school
  
• Lindsey's frist day of Middle school
  

There is more but you get the picture. It is like this stuff is constantly running through my mind. I’m no different then any other military spouse. And I am certainly not alone. There are thousands of families who are going through the same separation that we are. I really have no right to complain, or feel sorry for myself.

I do thank God everyday that he is safe. He will come home to us. I just have days like these where I worry so much that he won’t.

I miss him that’s all.

Roughly 450 days till he is home and I miss him more each day.