Things Are Different

I had a great birthday. To be completely honest I can’t recall another birthday that was so wonderful. Usually, they just come with the usual calls from family and gifts from Rob and the girls and I love that.

But this year was different, different because yes it was my 40th but also because I decided I had enough tears and that it was worth celebrating. Rob has been gone 6 months this month. It has been in all honesty the worst six months of my life.

I watch as the girls cry because they miss daddy and I when I talk to my MIL (who now knows he won’t be home for a very long time) I hear the fear in her voice. I do everything I can to assure her and the girls that he is safe and will remain safe. But in my heart I have been so afraid.

I lie awake nights and think” What if he doesn’t come home? How will I go on? How will I help the girls go on?” I don’t worry about the money aspect of it though I guess I should. I have always been the one who worries about the emotional part of our life.

I don’t want to raise the girls to fear what may happen. I want to teach them to celebrate life as it happens, so I decided that I was going to celebrate my birthday this year with a grand party.

I invited everyone I knew that was female (It was an all girl party) and asked them to join me in the celebration. I asked they bring NO gifts just a dish and any female person they wanted no limit on age to join us.

I wanted the girls to see that life goes on and it is ok to find happiness even in stressful times like this. One of my oldest friends Karla (aka Kasey) whom I have known for 26 years came to join us in the celebration.

It was very fitting that she was here with my nephew (Her son and the only boy allowed). She and I have gone through some very hard times together. I lived with her the last time we fought a war in the gulf and Rob was gone 2 years. I would not have made it then with out her love and support.

It’s just so very different this time.It was just me then and things now in retrospect seemed so much easier. With the girls it seems so much harder. Not only do I have to deal with my emotions and fears but the girls as well. But then again being a parent is never an easy job right?

I feel different today, not older or wiser (though I will take the wiser if it happens HA, HA) just different. I feel stronger emotionally, I feel that I could handle the next 15 or so months we have ahead of us.

I found out I wasn’t alone, that I have a great deal of support from many, many wonderful friends, not just old friends but from new friends also, and it makes ALL the difference.

They give me the strength to do the things I have to. Thank you all very much, you make all the difference in my life.