How Does This Work?
I have moments of such sadness and I have my moments when I just can't breath. I'm fine then I can't breath and when I do I breath I start to cry and can't seem to stop...then, as quickly as it started it is over. I don't want to leave you all with the impression that I am uncontrollably sobbing but I would say at least 3 times a week now it happens. Better then every day right!
Today was a hard day. I went to the lawyers and then Rob told me that he received all his paper work and will leave around the 11th of June. The only good news about that is he should be here for Alyssa's graduation and her birthday. She made the comment last week that this was the first time in a few years her daddy will be here on her birthday. It was all I could do not to cry right there. Thank god mom was with me and changed the subject.
It seems just so unreal to me all of this. How does it happen that one day you just don't love someone you have loved them all your adult life? I just don't get it. How does this work?
He seems to think now we will be the best of friends and even closer. I don't think he gets it...you can't walk out on someone and then be the best of friends...I'm pretty sure I am allowed a "I despise you and want to hang your balls on my review mirror" period.
Right now I am just hurt...and I'm worried about the girls and how things will be when he is gone. Gone and no longer my husband. I'm not sure how this will work since at the moment I still seem to be foolishly in love with him.
posted by Gail at 5:10 PM
12 Comments:
Gail,
God did not create the words to take away your pain. I can not express to you how my heart is breaking for you, I can only imagine how you feel right now. I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal and neccesary. Anger, sorrow, guilt and giddiness are all part of the process. (yes, there will be days when you are uncontrollable giddy and days when you will sob all day) All these are normal and need to be felt and allowed in order to move on with your new life. You do have the right to hang his BB's in your rearview. And you have the right to still love him. But your also have the right to get good and angry and demand he be held accountable for his actions. Not in front of the girls mind you, but in his wallet and his visitation and his duties in keeping you living within the life you are used to. No you do not need to be his friend either. He made his bed, now he will see the grass is not as green over there as it is here. Wait until he has to do something by himself for the first time. He will go into panic mode and shut down. The army can't save him now can they??
Gail, we have all been telling you, You are strong, you have been a single parent for too many years to count now. All Rob has been is a title and a last name, he has not defined you as a person, nor has he been beside you in all your life choices. He has been an idea, a fictional character that shows up on the door step every couple of years for a couple of weeks, at which time he goes back into his storybook world and you get back to real life.
We love you and miss you. I am always here, rain, shine, tornado or hurricane.
Jul
Gail,
The only thing I can tell you is that it WILL get better-I promise! You know I know what I'm talking about. It will be hard for awhile-maybe even a long while-once the girls finally deal with all of it too, but you will all be okay! It sucks to still feel the way you do-it would be so much easier to just hate them outright-but damn our hearts. I hate to admit that after what 14 yrs I still get pangs (though no one here knows). Don't get me wrong I love Chris very much, but the other one was the first. Anyway, you call me WHENEVER you need to my cell is always on. You have so much support right now-please remember that. THank God mom and dad are right there-I wish I was too. But like I said my phone is always on and I will help in anyway I can.
There's nothing foolish about being in love with him. He's your husband. And unlike him - you don't have a "Love Off" switch. So don't be so hard on yourself.
The key is to be smart, and you know what I mean by that.
Someone has to be.
Because with him in the house, that would be just too much dumb for one address. :-)
Love and hugs.
Gail, you are doing nothing wrong. There are no right or wrong emotions at a time like this.
He is a fool, period.
Gail, I am so sorry.
Even if you were uncontrollaby sobbing every day you would certainly be justified. Like Kris said, you don't have an off switch. NO sane person does.
Hugs.
Gail,
My sister went thru such a similar divorce 2 years ago when her husband of 16 years announced the same sentiment yours did. It was absolutely heartbreaking for her and the rest of our family. Don't pretend to be strong when you need to cry all day and let it out... you'll thank yourself later. Suggested reading: "Necessary Journeys".... Make YOURSELF and YOUR EMOTIONS your highest priority right now. It will make you a stronger woman and a better mother to your daughters. You are in my prayers. Just remember... everyone gets what they deserve... you AND Rob, his just won't be so great... mark my words on that one!
Shelly, Chicago
Do you really still love him after all of this OR are you "in love" with the "idea" of A "happily ever after" cinderella fairy tale life... because... people do change and events can alter our choices and attitudes i'm not sure he really knows what he's doing or thinking.. only time will tell and by that time he'll be screwed!!!
Gail, I just really hurt for you. I am so sorry.
I imagine you'll experience a sea of emotions from day to day. That's to be expected. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling- nothing at all. I pray for you and your girls daily.
One day he will be feeling the same pain you're feeling right now. Once he realizes what an incredibly dumb mistake he's made- he's bound to feel about ten times more miserable.
I don't have any advice or anything really constructive to say so I'll just tell you that you and the girls are in my prayers every day. I wish there was a way I could hug you from here.
- hfs
Gail, Believe me, you will get through this. And I truly beleive that having the girls will force you to put one foot in ront of the other and get through each day. You are stronget than even you know. There are bigger & better things in store for you. Ultimately, God is in charge, and if he brings you to it, he will get you through it. One day, Rob will wake up and regret this time of his life. I wish him a lifetime of erectile dysfunction.
I agree 100% with what Valerie said. You are much stronger than you probably realize. But in those moments you don't feel very strong, that's what we are here for...
You and the girls are still in my prayers.
Gail, I am so so so very sorry. This is one of those times when even Oreos can't help (inside joke).
My prayers are with you and your girls. You are very very strong and you will get through this.
(((HUGS)))
PS. to go along with Valeries, I'm wishing for sand fleas to infest his nether regions.
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