Dinner Conversation
I can't stand whining and I really can't stand talking and no one listening to me. Lots of that going on here lately! I didn't feel exactly great today...nothing really hurt or ached just felt off all day. The girls had dentist appointments today and all I have heard is whining since they found out and today I just had heard enough and I blew my cool.
I will be the first to admit that I have been feeling frustrated at the way my life is going and I worry constantly about if I am doing the right thing with the girls and everything else. I also know some of the frustration that made me lose my cool with the girls was not their fault but I have to say I just hate that I am the one they are taking their angry out on. I mean I am here I never left...I have always been here. Yet I am the one they vent on.
Alyssa is angry Rob and I are divorcing. She thinks our house is broken forever. Yet she won't answer the phone when her father calls her be it on her cell or the house phone. (Lindsey is also not answering the phone when he calls. I did let him know one day when they were both home and I was gone that he may want to call. I thought maybe they just felt guilty about talking to him when I was around and it would be easier for them He called many times they never picked up.) And she is angry with me because I am going to school, she is upset with Lindsey because she always with her friends. She said "She feels like the only one who lives in our house except for Gunter."
Lindsey is angry because I have TOO many rules and many of her friends don't have as many rules. Ok well what I just need to have NO RULES? NAH! OH and she thinks Alyssa is crazy for wanting Rob to come back. She said she is happier now with out him. That hurt to hear.
I am feeling a bit lost. I don't know what I can do to make Alyssa feel better or understand more and I am not about to just let Lindsey run with no rules. So...
At dinner I tired to find a way to explain how I felt and why I was doing what I was doing. I am not sure if they got it. I know I didn't really feel any better after. I don't know and I think this sucks!
posted by Gail at 7:30 PM
7 Comments:
Gail,
You are (and always) have done the right thing for you and your girls! Stay strong! I wish I had more advice on the angst of teenagers. I can only say that you are a great mom raising two wonderful girls who-even though they don't realize it now-will thank you and love you even more as they get older for the decisions and choices you made and boundries you set to keep them on the right track!!
You are doing the right thing Gail. Taking the time to talk with the girls and getting your feelings out is the right thing. Keeping the lines of communication open with them and letting them know where you stand is the right steps to moving forward. Alyssa will come around in time with Rob. Right now she is still trying to figure it all out herself. It is a big adjustment. It was a big adjustment when my parent seperated and I was an adult. Keep your chin up, you are doing great. Oh, and about the rules no teenager thinks our rules are fair. Everyone else's rules are better than ours and every parent has too many rules. Believe me I know this tantrum very well too. And, they get tired of hearing me say "My house, my rules!"
Make a date with the girls this weekend and have fun together.
The reason that you are the one that they take their anger out on is because YOU are the safe one. You're right - you have never left. And they know that. The fact that they are willing to unload on you is a testament to how safe they truly feel with you. My friend Leslie went through the same thing with her boys when she and her husband divorced. It will be ok.
As for the rules, don't budge. Compromise where it's reasonable so that Lyn feels like she has some control in her life. But YOU are the foundation and you're good at it.
I'm praying for you, my friend. I cannot imagine how tough this must be and I don't know if I've told you how much you amaze me. You are incredible.
{{{hug}}}
Thank you all for the love and support. It makes doing what I have to do that much easier.
Hang in there..with the exception of the way your divorce is going..you'd probably still have these issues.life CHANGEs big time when your kids enter middle school and high school. Freshman year is tough, sophomore is better, junior year is wicked because they're growing towards the point of stress to choose a direction for life/college PLUS the added stress of SATS/ACTs.. it will get better in time..when they're ready to talk to Rob they will.. you have to step back and let them make that choice.. right now they're angry and confused as well as hurt their world is changing every where around them ..REMEMBER in time they will talk to Rob ..PLUS all the strong rules you enforce CAN back fire on you ..I've seen kids whose parents rules them with an iron fist totally blow it and screw up majorly when they did get away from home a couple even ended unmarried parents at the ripe old age of 19.. it's hard but you've got to give them a little space and the trust/faith that you've rasied them well enough that you know they will make good choices not just do things out of spite . they've got to spread their wings even if they crash.. they need to know they can do it but that you'll be there.. raising teenagers is about as easy as nailing jello to a tree
P.S. I forgot normal teenage girls lose their abilty to talk it's replaced with the chronic "whining it's the end of the world, I wish I'd never been born, no one understands me,life sucks around here voice" Your reply is fine then move out or even better "Good we'll pretend you weren't born got anymore questions reply?"
Well Gail, I am mad at my cousin Robert myself.He is letting a 20 plus years relationship go down the drain. You both have worked very hard to get to where you are in your life.You have two beautiful girls that I love very much and I hate to hear and see them like that. I think Robert needs to have his head examined. James
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