Saturday, April 30


Lindsey was playing with the camera and took some pictures of me. Since I hate having my picture taken I figured I better share may be a while before I let anyone take more.

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The Black and white version.

Last one honest.


Thursday, April 28

A Beautiful Person

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers ever spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, he listens.
He can live anywhere in the universe, but he chose…your heart.

Face it friend-he is crazy about you!

God didn’t promise days with out pain, laughter without sorrows, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.


Sunday, April 24

My Weekend

Well I had planned to work on after action reports this weekend but that didn’t happen. Instead I spent the weekend washing carpets. Gunter seems to have a virus and he has pooped and puked till he was exhausted. Thank god for pepto bismal. I have had my limit in cleaning nasty stuff.

Tomorrow I am going down to register for my first math class. Wish me luck I have about a billion questions.

I talked to my parents and the girls will be going to Florida for two whole weeks in July. I just have this overwhelming need to have some time for just me. What will do? Well I have a few ideas, what I don’t want to do is spend it redoing a room in this house. I think it has be time spent on making me happier.

Time spent on just me. What a novel idea.


Wednesday, April 20

We Have a Date

March 1, 2006

That is Rob’s officially retirement date, as of April 7, according to the Department of the Army who told us TODAY.

I am so HAPPY to have a date…and so terrified at the same time. I remember well my father’s adjustment to civilian life.

My mothers advice to me…"Get Rob medicated as soon as possible once he retires, then wean him off slowly …the first sign of uncontrollable out burst such as "That wouldn’t do that in the Army or They need see how we use to do it when…" double the dose, to it will keep you sane. That or take up drinking!!"

Yes she was joking!

…I least I think she was.


Saturday, April 16

Alyssa's New Bike

Alyssa and her new bike. Her birthday isn't till June and the weather is so nice...she needed a new bike so I went ahead and bought it today.
She has been so depressed since Rob left it was great to see her so happy!
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Friday, April 15


I received my acceptance letter to college this week. It’s official I am a student once again.

I have very few regrets in my life, I believe the course I have taken has made me who I am today as a person.

That being said I do have a few regrets. One regret I have is that I didn’t go to college when I was younger.

I think back to all the time I had before the girls and I just could kick myself. Wasted time, now I have to go back for many reasons and I worry so much about having enough time to study, complete assignment, be a mom, and take care of everything around the house.

I’ll level with you, the real reason I never went to college was fear.

Lately I have lived a life of fear.

FEAR should be considered the ultimate 4-letter word. I know it has stopped me so many times in my life. Making me feel inadequate, unwanted, stupid, the list is endless.

To this day it can keep me awake at night in a state of sheer panic. The fear of the unknown and sometimes the fear of history repeating it’s self.

Fear has immeasurable destructive powers.

Going back to school I hope is my first step in defeating fear and taking back my power.

It isn’t easy and the doubts that run through my mind daily are huge!

I constantly worry, if I can’t over come my fears how will I be able to help my girls over come theirs? I love my girls and I want to be able to show them that they can over come their fears.

Love is a great weapon to defeat fear that and baby steps forward.

Here I go one baby step at a time.


Tuesday, April 12

New Bike

Lindnsey has been dying for a new bike so when family asked what to get her we said money, look what she bought yesterday!! Finally she has her new bike. She also bought some Skorts and the mushroom chair with her own money.

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Monday, April 11

I miss…

I have grown to hate bedtime and being alone.

I use to love those every now and then times when I had the whole bed to myself, not anymore.

I miss the smell of Rob in the evenings after his shower.

I miss having his scent in our bed.

I miss him holding me.

I miss rolling over and seeing him there.

I miss him.


Sunday, April 10

New stuff Galore

While Rob was home we purchased a new computer desk from a small-unfinished wood furniture shop close by. The prices are perfect for our budget. They also charge a small fee ( Paying a small fee for someone else to finish furniture is my dream come true. ) The only problem is they are a small shop and word seems to be out about them, so the wait is a little long if you want something delivered.

Yesterday the new desk arrived and the girls and I gladly dumped the old desk to the curb. Not an easy job by the way…damn thing was heavy. In dumping it comes cleaning it out. Holy smokes talk about junk! It took a good 45 minutes to get all the stuff in and out of the desk. Why do I seem to collect so much crap?

I am happy to report that new desk is organized and even though it is larger then the old desk we now have more room. I have the chair to match the desk on order. I can't wait to get it.

Here it is our new, junk free computer desk. We did have a casualty in the move. My scanner seems to have died. I have two friends who are computer geniuses and they both have pronounced it gone. It doesn’t really surprise me. The poor thing has been over used, and had started talking back just after I finished the yearbook. We had planned to switch to a scanner/printer combo anyway. I just need to do some research before I buy one.

Closer view

Lindsey also made a new purchase, she has always wanted a Mushroom Chair ( At least that is what she calls it.) she bought it with her birthday money. I haven’t seen much of her since. Had I known that one dame chair would have keep her this happy, I would have bought it a LONG time ago!!

Here it is Lindsey in her chair doing what she does best talking on the phone!
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Tuesday, April 5

Memory Lane & Happier Days

I have found myself walking down memory lane a great deal lately. Thinking back on times when things were happier in my life.

I found this picture of Alyssa, who always was so mature …it is one of my favorite pictures.

I have no idea what she was reading. I just loved this picture.
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This is a classic, from the day Lin arrived she was all Alyssa’s. When Lin was a baby the doctor asked what she was eating and I had to tell him honestly, ”I have no idea what or when she started solid foods, see her sister feels the needs to always share what she has with her.”

” Here sissy try this!”
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Now they can’t be in the same room with out fighting. Breaks my heart, butt hen again a lot of things break my heart lately and I am still it seems making it. Although some moments I don’t feel like I could take another breath …but I do.

Positive note for today(see I am trying) I dropped off my application at the Community College yesterday and am taking a placement test Thursday.

Talk about anxiety, I just need to keep breathing, Right?


Sunday, April 3


Here are a few pictures from out trip. Alyssa was glued to her dad the whole time. So much so Lindsey got upset saying "She is being a daddy hog!!"

Alyssa and Rob

Here is Lin locked up. We spared her the Nail in the ear that time…first offense and all.

Lin and Rob

Last but not least Rob and I, don’t look at the hair, I couldn’t get in for a cut and color before we left, after missing my regular appointment when I was sick.

Rob and I
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