Saturday, May 27

Down Time

Rob took the girls to Six Flags today and I had a nice quiet day at home. I did some cleaning, some homework, and I took a few pictures of the flowers I planted. Here are my two favs right now. I am sure I will have more when I get down to looking at them all.

Soft Yellow

This is a favorite

Pretty In Pink


Thursday, May 25

What's Up

What's up with us? Well school is out and it's summer vacation. Seems to me the year went incredibly fast. It may take more then the summer for me to adjust that Alyssa is starting high school. Although, the girls have already started swimming and having fun. Good for them they need so fun!! Hell I need some fun.

I started classes last night. I was so happy when I left my math class...I know me happy about a math class but its true I actually understood everything the instructor said! AMEN!!! There is such a big difference in having the knowledge and being about to reach your students and teach them that knowledge. If nothing else my last class was a lesson in what I should never do as a teacher.

We are preparing for Rob to leave. We did the hardest part and told the girls what was going on. I think they were upset but at the same time not surprised. I know you all may think I am a fool but I still pray nightly that we will be able to work things out. After everything I still love him very much. I don't see how someone can be a part of your life for 28 years and you just stop having feelings for them.

I went to the dr and now am on an anti-depressant. I should help with my wide range of emotions. If I start to feel like NOT me I plan to stop taking it. We will see.

Alyssa is very excited X-Men III comes out Friday. WE have already prepaid for the tickets. She loves X-men...hello Hugh Jackman can you blame her!! Alyssa is also going to High school camp with the local church here. It's only 4 days and I think she really needs to get out and experience other things then sitting in her PJ's watching tv!

Lindsey will be going to camp too this summer. She on the other hand I have to MAKE stay home! I do believe to her HOME is a four letter word.

I have several summer projects that I wish to accomplish this break. Yes it includes pulling down wallpaper and painting!! Isn't that what breaks are for???


Saturday, May 20

Summer Time

Believe it or not school is out for the summer. Talk about a year flying by. I am very proud of the girls ALyssa ended the year on the honor roll and Lindsey brought all her low grades up. With all the stress in the house the last few months I think they did amazing.

Now my girls are moving on Alyssa will now be in high god how did that happen? I am way to young to have a daughter in high school...didn't I just graduate from there myself? Ha!

Alyssa school picture:

She looks so grown already, she hates makeup and maybe just because I am the mom I think she is beautiful with out it.

Lindsey is now in 7th grade...geeze where did my babies go??? Here is her school picture:
I love that she acutally smiled a normal smile here. Usually she has this fake grin. And when I tell you "Little Ms. Diva" spent many hours on her hair and clothes believe it. She said her stomach looks "puffy" in the picture. Hello how can anything look "puffy" when you are a size "00"??


Last Day Of Work

I think next year I am going to take the last day of work off. When I tell you all that I am PISSED beyond belief, believe me.

The class I work in is awesome. I wouldn't want to work with anyone else. A, C & L are just the best ladies to work with. I am not saying we don't have disagreements, lets be real we do after all ALL PMS together, with the exception of L who no longer has PMS(pray for her when we do). We always have chocolate on hand and we always have Tylenol or year we plan to keep a supply of Beno on hand as well! We work well together because we respect each other and we try to always be fair. A is the teacher and it is her class, but she isn't a control freak and we usually only have to talk her down during IEP time. She listens to what we have to say and allows us to use our abilities to do what we think will move our students along. Hear me when I say NOT all teachers are like this. Some are not. She always feels bad when she has to do MANY hours of paper work and isn't able to teach. MANY DON'T! And she NEVER treats us like "the help" SOME DO!

Having said this let me explain my opening sentence:

We have been working since March to get our room ready for end of the year. Every chance we had that a few of our students were out...we worked on the room. We didn't just hang out and take it easy. We are not IA's that take every chance to just lounge and waste time. We work hard and always are engaged with our students, we know our job. I'm not bragging I am stating a fact.

Anyway, like I said we have been prepping the room for months and the last two weeks have been working DAMN hard to make sure that on the last day our room was done and done early so that we were not stressing about getting done. We even have started replacing furniture we know will be too small for our students with larger furniture just to stay ahead.

Down town treats IA's as if they are "Insignificant peons" that is the impression they ALWAYS leave. Policy on the last day is this... teachers are free to go as soon as the room is clear, IA's are not. IA's must stay and work a full day or take lost time or a personal day. It's not enough that all year we are spit on, sneezed on, puked on, hit, in some cases urinated on and that we clean more shit then you could believe literally. It's not enough that we give everything we have to our students. It's not enough that on our evaluations we get SUPERIORS all the way across. Nope not enough. You know what we got....

We got to pack up the MOST UNORGINAZED room in the entire school. Why? Because this person can't get her shit together if she had directions. All year people have been trying to help her get her act together and all year she hasn't tried to help her self. And because of that WE got the great honor of helping her yet again. Now C and L where right there with me...and if it had been up to A she would have sent us on our way the minute our room was cleared. But it wasn't. And I understand why the principal sent us in...she has to make sure everything is ready for the summer cleaning. I get that really I do! Everyone has responsibilities...I got it. J another IA was also given this reward because his room was done on time as well. Two other IA's the laziest freaking people you ever ment...skated out, I mean people I have SEEN sleeping in specials while we worked. That's ok....I have the memory of an elephant. So C, L, J & myself packed "miss I can't do a freaking thing for my self" until we just couldn't do it anymore. (Meaning she started unpacking things to find things she really didn't freaking need!!!!)

Let me clarify something I don't mind helping others, and I have NO problem following policy. If Down town says we stay till 3 then ok. If my principal says I do this then I do it...what fries my ass is that we ended up helping someone who DOESN"T want to help herself when there was another teacher who has had a stroke and still works her ass off that could have really used our help.She would NEVER ask for help but if we had been assigned to her she would have taken the help and that the lazy FUCKS just got to skate. Rip Van Winkle had to help pack PE...can you say crock! He is in so tight with the PE IA and teacher they wouldn't report him for sleeping during PE. You see what I am saying. Let one of us need to take a bathroom run and all hell would break loose.

Next year I am going to do something's very different. It may piss some people off but you know what...being nice and doing your job just gets you the honor of cleaning up someone else's shit!

I was so mad when I came home I actually went on line and looked up other jobs I was qualified for. If you had even mentioned to me the day before that I would do that I would have told you, you were crazy.

Maybe by August I won't be as pissed as I am right now...I doubt it when I am angry I am angry and I am really freaking ANGRY.


Sunday, May 14

Happy Mothers Day

To my mother:


When you're a child she walks before you,
To set an example.
When you're a teenager she walks behind you
To be there should you need her.

When you're an adult she walks beside you
So that as two friends you can enjoy life together..

- Author Unknown.

I am very glad you are here with me.

Happy mothers day to all.


Saturday, May 6

So Strange

If you were to come to my house and visit us right now you would think we were the happiest married couple on earth. Until of course, you saw the look on my face when Rob when he opens his mouth. I don't think he really understands that our marriage is ending.

He is loving and sweet, in all honesty he is the Rob I have known before Saudi. Then he talks about when he leaves in June as if it is just another deployment. I honestly think he has convinced himself that he is not leaving us just going on a job. I on the other hand am very aware he is leaving us and that our marriage is ending. The counselor hit it on the head when she explained to me I was grieving the death of my marriage. Rob on the other hand is sure we will be working things out while he is in Saudi and I am sure from his past history there Even the counselor seems a little perplexed by him.Thank God it isn't just me!

It is so very strange how unreal my life is right now!


Friday, May 5


The last 5 months has been such a constant struggle for me. Rob, work, the girls and the math class I was taking. This math class just seemed impossible. I would take a test and fail it; mind you I spent hours studding. I had no life but studding! So many people keep telling me not to drop it to hand in there, so I stayed. Yesterday was my final... I had a 77 going into the final...needed at least a 70 on the final to pass the class. I got 137 on the final. She gave us extra credit the help on the final grade that is were the other 37 points came in. When she told me I was shocked...then she said "This is your final grade for the class." and pointed to a 97!!!! Do you hear me I got a A!!!!!!!! I was so shocked I started crying in front of the whole class and I cried for at least another 45 min!! I can't believe it!

As one of our students would say "You have to WAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!