Tuesday, November 28
Sunday, November 26
You know the moment when you all of a sudden realize your happy. I had that moment today. It felt great!
- Love my house it is finally done the way I want.
- My girls are doing good.
- I don't miss Rob like use too.
Today I had a happy day!!!Can I get a WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Saturday, November 25
My New Fireplace
Friday, November 24
I have up dated La Masion. Take a look click here
Wednesday, November 22
Happy Turkey Day
The girls and I have decided we are very blessed to be together, safe, and healthy. And we are very happy we will be with my parents on this day. Our last two Thanksgivings were with a friend but still very lonely with out family to share it with.
The girls and I wish you all a loving, filling, calm Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 20
Lindsey has had a new caller lately. At first I didn't think much of it until I really listened to his voice. He sure didn't sound 12. So far she was never home when he called so no big deal. Today I was making dinner when I checked out Lindsey on the computer looking at a My Space account. This boy was NOT 12.
I said" Lin who is that?"
Me:"The Jay that has been calling?"
Lin: " Yes"
Me:"How old is he?"
Lin: " I don't know"
Me:"What school does he go too?"
Lin: " I don't know"
Me:"Where did you meet him?"
So about an hour later Jay calls:
Jay: " Hi is Lindsey there?"
Me:"Who is this?"
Jay: " Jay"
Me:"What school do you go to?"
Jay: "Blah blah high school"
Me:"How old are you?"
Jay: " 15"
Me:"Well Lindsey is 12!"
Jay: " 12?"
Jay: "She told me she was 15"
Jay: " I am so sorry she looked 15 I am sorry Mrs.Meyers...I didn't know. Really! I won't call again"
Jay: "I am sorry"
Me:"Yeah call back when she is 18!"
Time to end Lindsey's life!!!!!Well the social aspect of it anyway!! 15 RIGHT!
Saturday, November 18
Over the last few weeks my life has taken some very unreal turns. So much so that at times I have said out loud "I cannot believe this is my life!" I do see a counselor every 2 weeks. The same one the Rob and I had been seeing while apparently I was trying to work on our marriage. I say "I" because looking back now having all the facts I have "I" was the only one working on it, he was still dating.
My counselor suggested I read on how to "detach" my self from my relationship with Rob. It came after the sobbing comment "I don't know how to let go and stop loving him". She so calmly pointed out that he had already in fact started this process and I was the only one still in love in the relationship. I still feel like an idiot even typing it. But the truth sometimes does make you feel like a fool.
So I found a wonderful website that I have been reading at Coping.org. I have had some moments when I would read something and have to put it down because I saw myself in what it was saying and hated what I saw. Nonetheless I have been reading every night...thinking and yes crying but it’s a process right?
There was a one I call poem...that I printed and is sitting in my room ...I read it before I go to bed, it gives some peace. So I thought I would share it with you.
To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.
To ``let go'' is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ``let go'' is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ``let go'' is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.
To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE!
Friday, November 17
OMG that damn test was HARD!!! I study my butt off for this test and I was so upset when I left it was so hard. Well I know I did the best I could. I really don't want to have to repeat this class.
On a good note Lindsey seems better thank god!
Tuesday, November 14
Prayers For Lu
Could you all send some get well prayers for Lindsey. She just has something that won't go away. Fever spikes and disappears then back it comes...she just feels like crap. I took her to the Doctor today and they started her on antibiotics. If that doesn't do it we may have to think about Mono. So pray it is just an infection...mono would suck big time...who wants to be sick the whole holiday season!
Monday, November 13
I have been knee deep in logarithmic functions and other wonderful little things like that... my mind has become mush! I failed my last math test when Rob was home. Wonder why I couldn't focus on it?
Both the girls are doing better. Lindsey was the sicker of the two. Her temp spiked Sunday evening to 102.9 on drugs! I thought for sure we might have to visit the E.R. at some point. She really never runs a high fever, unlike Alyssa who tends to run high like 103. I am glad they are feeling better; maybe tonight I will sleep instead of getting up constantly to check on them.
Work is just a bit insane...hopefully things will even out very soon. I feel like all I do all day is put out one fire after another. It will be nice when we can just teach again. I think after the holiday season.
I have some new pictures of my parent’s house; they have been making it more like home each week. It really looks great. I will update their blog next week.
I got some good news today I have NO SCHOOL all next week. OH MY GOD a whole week to be able to just stay home and go to TKD class. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I need this break like crazy.
Speaking of crazy I am finally starting to feel like me again. I still have insane moments when I just break out into tears but it is getting a little better. If I said I wasn't terrified, lonely, and still heartbroken I would be lying. But life goes on.
Wish me luck on my test tomorrow. I need at least a B on this so I don't have to repeat this damn class.
Friday, November 10
As you could tell from my post yesterday was a horrible day. It had to be bottom. I know I can't continue on the path I am on so today I started(baby steps) to move forward with my new life.
I have to start to learn to love ME as much as I loved him.
Look what my MIL sent the girls today:
She is a great grandmother, and the girls LOVED this! It did so much to lift them up today.
Oh yeah look what she sent me!
I LOVE to get flowers. I can't tell you how much it means that she did this. I get to keep my MIL in the divorce too!!!
Thursday, November 9
Taking a Break
I am taking some time off from everything.
I don't plan to update agian for some time.
Wednesday, November 8
My Meter is FULL!!!!
I can't take anything else. The past few weeks have been horrible...to top it off this week I have had the girlfriend calling leaving ugly messages and Lu in the room to hear it...now both the girls are sick. I took Alyssa to the Dr but they are not 100% sure what it maybe so we have drugs just in case of this and that...and now Lindsey has it too.
Oh and I came home today and in the mail was a nice little notice from the state of Alabama informing me they are auditing us.
Tuesday, November 7
I had to change the home phone number and I did email everyone the new one. If I missed your name in the email...let me know...my email is still the same.
Sunday, November 5
The Wait Is Over!
I know many of you have been waiting for the pictures of the newly finished kitchen. I have been so low lately that I just didn't have the energy to clean up the painting stuff or hang the last shelves and pictures to finish. But I got some of me back and it is offically COMPLETE!!!
So here you are the kitchen:
My dad made the frame for this print and then framed it.
I love this little coffee cup!
I think Gunter is laying there to protect is water/food bowls. I have moved about 5 times in the last month.
I have two signs hanging one over each door so if your walking in or out you can get a little wisdom.
This is my favorite you see it everytime you walk into the kitchen.
That's it. I love the way it came out. I still am so excited every day to look at it and not that ugly damn wallpaper!!
I had a lot of help from mom and dad,the girls, my friend/math tutor Katrina. I couldn't have done it with out them!
Saturday, November 4
Tell My Heart
Can someone tell my heart this is what is best.I can't seem to figure out how to just stop loving someone. My head gets it...its my damn heart that isn't wanting to accept it. I keep telling my self this won't hurt forever. BUt you can't help but feel like an ass when you have to leave Loews beacuse you just started crying.
Wednesday, November 1
Rob left today and I saw a lawyer today. As hard as this is for me I am moving on. I know there will be tears shed and days when the hurt will be almost more then I can stand(like today) but I have to go foward.
There is some resolve in the fact that I know I did everything in my power to make my marriage work. I wasn't perfect but I was honest and loving. I must be at the bottom I have no place but up to go. So as of today things will start to get better.